so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
