you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
