We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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