Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
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her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
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Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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