Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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