if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
