in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
