hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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