the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
