i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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