We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
