matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
