its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you guys were way drunker than both of me
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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