i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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