I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
