Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
