Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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