You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
