We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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