just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
oh god the rape fog is back!
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
