you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
