Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
