I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
