I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
