More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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