If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
