i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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