You really coming over, don't trick.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
