Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I could fuck to npr.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
