It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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