The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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