i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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