I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
