It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
