my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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