Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
