do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
