She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
