my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
