do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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