I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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