I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
