Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
