It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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