I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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