Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Randomize
