this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
