He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
