apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
