Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
