So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize