Welp...herpes.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
