Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
this will be a night to untag.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
