scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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