His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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