I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
