Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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