Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
