she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
