sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
im holly from the hills drunk
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
