so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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