how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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