The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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