I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
