A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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