you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
