i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
