i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
