i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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