theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
FUCK WHALES
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
